Coffee, it’s only a drink!

To all the hipsters out there who have taken to the coffee culture with obvious gusto one should remember that coffee has been around since the 15th century.  It was the Sufis of ancient Yemen who discovered that it’s properties would suppress the appetite and stimulate the brain. They just drank the stuff and enjoyed it; I really don’t think they sat around for hours critiquing its properties.

Coffee evolved and became a standard drink that spread across Europe and then, over centuries to the new world. It held no mystique, no magical qualities; it was simply a drink to enjoy in the early morning to begin the day’s toil.

The morning coffee break in offices used to be a time to take a break, boil a kettle, spoon in some nondescript brown powder a cup, and enjoy a bit of time to converse with one’s colleagues about what had transpired in their lives the night before.

Not any more!

Now it falls to the office junior to procure the coffee orders and it was no different in our office. Carly, poor Carly, the general ‘runner’ for the creative department would be dispatched to fetch the beverage that apparently would rev up their collective creative psyches. Coffee never seemed to be referred to as coffee, rather cute names had been given to the humble beverage. A few that spring to mind were, ‘wakey ‘up juice, Brazilian marching brew, Cuppa Joe, heart starter and a number of other ridiculous monikers used to describe a simple cup of brown liquid.

The coffee emporium to which the hapless Carly would travel was, at one point a rather run down establishment that served, along with greasy bacon sandwiches, a perfectly ordinary blend of filtered coffee. Almost overnight this nondescript café transformed itself into ‘hipster hangout” replete with a bearded, beret wearing barista who would dispense all manner of coffees from an industrial strength machine that dominated the counter. Customers would sit at the tables comparing the merits of the coffee served as if it were fluids containing magical powers.

Carly would read out the orders; Shane would like a Flat White with skinny milk, extra hot, Mia wants a Expresso double shot, not too hot, John a cappuccino, double foam medium heat, Dan a flat white single shot, while Debbie insists on a Macchiato with half soy and half skinny milk which, when you think about it equates to a cup of disappointment. The entire exercise could take up to half an hour of Carly’s productive time, not to mention the staff, waiting like Pavlovian dogs to begin their day’s tasks bereft of the wakey up juice obviously needed to put in a good day’s work!

 What is it with this beverage that now dominates the day – to – day existence of those that toil away within the confines of the corporate office structure that many of us exist in?

 Let us remember, it’s only coffee for God’s sake!

A few years ago we saw the introduction of the Nespresso coffee machine into our homes endorsed, by probably the most desired man on the planet, George Clooney. Television commercials showed him sipping from a small vessel of coffee dispensed from the machine, turning to camera to tell you that, “this is real coffee. ”  George, you have a villa on Lake Como in Italy, the home of excellent coffee, stop it and stick to making movies, it’s not as if you need the money!

I live in Bali home of Bali Coffee a thick brew served black that one has to strain through ones teeth to get to the bottom of the cup … it’s a heady brew.

Here, they pride themselves on their coffee and if you search it out there are various blends that might suit ones taste. Take for instance the Lawa coffee, manufactured in the mountains far away from the sea and a blend that has become a ‘ must have’ for coffee drinkers far and wide. In order procure this extremely expensive drink the following process occurs; firstly, one must acquire a mongoose and place said creature in a small cage. Once the mongoose has settled into his environment it will be fed a diet of coffee beans and whatever else Mongooses eat.

Now the good bit! The creature will devour the beans, partially digest them and excrete them into a small tray beneath its cage. The beans are duly collected, sorted and ground into powder and filtered into one of the most expensive coffee blends in the world ….go figure? For me I really do not see the attraction of imbibing a brown liquid procured from beans that have passed through the intestinal tract of an imprisoned mongoose.

 I know there are a lot of coffee drinkers out there that will deride me for being so sacrilegious about their drink of choice but really guys …its coffee and when it comes down to it it’s either black or white, nothing more nothing less.

Perhaps now I shall have a cup of tea… what should I have? Darjeeling, English breakfast, Earl Grey, Irish Breakfast, chamomile … Oh stop it!!!!