Freewheeling !!!

Before I launch into this piece I should perhaps fill readers in with a few details on how the system works in our household.

Management here rises each day 5.30am and I watch through slitted eyes, feigning sleep as she ponders whether to a) don her running gear and set off on a 10k m jog along the beachfront before the sun rises, or b) kit herself out in her rather dapper yoga gear and then attend a yoga class at the beach.

This entails a good two hour session of stretching and assuming postures that I firmly believe the human body is not designed for, unless of course you are a 4ft 5in Chinese contortionist. Needless to say, I am never invited on these jaunts of hers and thankfully she will leave me to rise at my leisure to hang out with the cat next door and my cholesterol . So, as you can gather upper management, apart from holding down a steady and hugely responsible job, is supremely fit and always looking for energetic pursuits on weekends that tend to involve hiking up steep hills often through steamy jungle terrain or jogging endless miles in tropical heat.

I now know why I enjoy Mondays so much !

A few months ago I was informed that we were expecting guests for a week or so ( Living as we do in Bali, we host numerous hordes of holidaymakers.) Now, this couple from New Zealand I suspect follow the same routine as the one followed diligently by one member of this household, and it isn't me.

No, these two I think swim across the Bass Strait before breakfast and, if that wasn't enough, would then jog up Mt Wellington before heading off to do whatever energetic work they were gainfully employed at.

Quite frankly, I was dreading their arrival.

I noticed a few days before their impending arrival, attached to the fridge a suggested itinerary for the week that involved much running, stretching , something called pilates and of course yoga. The fridge itself was filled to overflowing with all sorts of healthy things; juices, muesli ( from Sweden I suspect) low fat milks and yogurts along with several vegetables I did not at first recognise but were no doubt full of nutrients and goodness.

Finding nothing remotely edible in the fridge I prepared a coffee and let my eyes roam over the body beautiful itinerary and almost choked when I noticed that I was included on the, " exhilarating 42km bike ride." on Thursday, starting at 5am. Naturally I brought this up with management once she had returned from a hard day's toil and I was doing my damndest to look busy .

" You are not weaseling out of this one, they are expecting you to come. Case closed ! "

For those of you unfamiliar with Bali's terrain I should point out that much of it is hilly ....very hilly and if not hilly then remarkably steep. Thus the thought of a 42 km bike ride did not exactly fill me with joy.

The dreaded day arrived and a small bus filled with four other fit- looking bronzed people, I suspect from some Nordic country or other, stopped in front of our door to take us to our starting point .

So, nestled between all of the toned and buffed bodies we set off, heading for the charming town of Ubud where I presumed my torture would begin. Ubud came and went as we ascended higher and higher into the foothills of Mt Batur, Bali's second highest Volcano . Another forty minutes and we had climbed to roughly 1300 ft where we stopped in a car park in front of a rather agreeable restaurant where our guide informed us that it was here we would have breakfast.

My companions, along with the Nordics in tow headed for the muesli and low fat yoghurt with lashings of juice section and I to the cooked breakfast area, replete with bacon, eggs, sausages and hash browns....The day was certainly looking up !

Satisfied, and after a couple of coffees we head outside where our guide leads us to our trusty steeds, that turned out to be light as a feather and equipped with God knows how many gears. Each participant was then handed rather racy helmets in vibrant day glo colours and, after a quick safety briefing, we were on our way !

It was at this point that all my fears of peddling up hills and dales in merciless heat were completely unfounded for, as our trusty guide conspiratorially informed me, " from here on my friend, it's all downhill"

Oh what joy, as with gusto I headed to the front to lead the pack to our destination. We weaved our way off the beaten track through rice paddies and quaint Balinese villages where school kids, heading for class put out their hands for high fives.

This was bliss personified!

Added to this we stopped at a coffee plantation for mid - morning refreshment where various blends were offered. Included in this was the lewar 'super' blend where Mongooses feed on coffee beans and then excrete the semi digested bean which then is crushed, roasted and served in tiny cups. Naturally, I avoided the beverage as I was keen to mount up and continue leading the fit ones on our tour.

Whizzing past the waterfalls and rice terraces I begin to fantasize that I could conceivably compete in the Tour de France next year...I mean how hard could it be?

All too soon we arrive at our destination just two hours after we had departed and 42 km covered and I hadn't pedalled once! Dismounting, ahead of the Nordic types and my house guests I feel a sense of triumph as I head in and sit down to a sumptuous lunch.